Breakups are never easy. It doesn’t matter if you’re 20, or whether you’re 45, when someone initiates a breakup with you, the pain we feel can be universally identical. However, there’s a silver lining in every breakup, a glimmer of hope if you will, and that’s the little off-chance that he broke up with you in the heat of the moment and didn’t mean it.
Now, that hope maintains as long as your ex is still talking to you, hasn’t found a new girlfriend, or if he didn’t explicitly tell you to move on. Typically, if the breakup didn’t end on a terrible note, chances are he will still remain in contact with you. It’s usually more apparent if you didn’t make any of the common mistakes that most people would, that pushes their ex away.
Some of these mistakes include: 1) Begging for your ex back. 2) Showing desperate affection towards your ex. 3) Calling or texting your ex all the time and getting anxious if he didn’t reply you. 4) Freaking out and doing something crazy when you find out he’s started talking to other women; among several other mistakes. Bear in mind that if your goal is to get your ex back, and doing these things would only get your number blocked instead.
Even if you steered clear from all these mistakes, there are times that your ex WILL still insist you move on, and hearing those two words will feel worse than waking up with a hangover after drinking too much the previous night, because it only makes the breakup feel a lot more real. If you’re caught in that situation, what should you do? Does your ex actually mean it when he told you to move on?
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Getting Your Ex Back May Be Harder Than Moving On
Let’s set something straight before we analyze the situation a little further. There’s a real possibility that your ex meant what he said, but there’s also a chance that he didn’t. Understanding the difference may be key in how you respond and react, but there’s an additional precaution that you have to take note of.
Yes. Getting your ex may be harder than moving on. If you’re still stuck, unsure of whether to follow his words, it probably means that you want him back. At this stage, you would be feeling hurt, lost and empty over the breakup. Effectively, moving on would be the easier thing to do (ironically) as opposed to giving yourself hope that may be potentially false. The thought of losing someone forever can be daunting, but many people go through with breakups every year, and come out stronger.
It’s easy to take your ex at face value and believe that he meant what he said, but if your determination is strong and you really want your ex back; only then, do I suggest reading on to understand his perspective a little clearer.
5 Common Reasons for Breaking Up
In order to understand if your ex meant it when he told you to move on, you first have to ask yourself what the reason for breaking up was. Although every relationship goes through different situations and is unique, breaking up tends to stem from several universal reasons. Depending on the reason, you’ll be able to better understand how your ex feels about you, and the chances of you getting him back.
Loss of Attraction
Probably one of the most common reasons, this could mean a physical or mental attraction towards your partner. Every relationship starts from a certain point of attraction (or spark), and if you have no attraction in your partner’s eyes, it’s likely that he would breakup with you as a result.
Think about why you first started to like him. Now put yourself in his shoes, and think about why he first fell for you. Was it because of your wit? Did you come across as a strong independent woman? Were you the center of attraction in a crowded room that took his breath away the first time he laid eyes on you?
Once you narrow down to a single reason, ask yourself: Do you think you still provide that value of attraction to him? Chances are, the answer is no. Somewhere along the lines, his perception of you started to change, and it’s very likely that you may have indeed changed in the process of the relationship.
While loss of attraction seems like a superficial reason for breaking up, it happens. However, among the other reasons we’ll be going through, if this was the reason your ex broke up with you, your chances of getting him back are good because whatever attraction you lost, can easily be gotten back with a bit of effort.
Loss of Connection
Loss of connection has greater implications than the aforementioned reason, and is slightly harder to resolve. When you guys were together, you must have had a strong connection with each other, to warrant a relationship. This connection is what made your relationship unique from others because it involves 2 different people getting together to become a team. Connection essentially means your team dynamics, and by losing this, the relationship effectively loses its value and worth, in being unique.
If this was the reason for breaking up, something must have changed. Was it because you’ve been neglecting him of late? Did you start taking him for granted? Did he suddenly feel that he could not confide in you anymore for whatever reasons? Then, think about what your reason was for becoming this way. Usually, after being in a relationship for a while, we start to take our partner for granted, and we show less effort, concern, and start to get more impatient with each other.
Loss of Balance
Balance is a key component in every relationship. Man and woman, good and bad, positive and negative, strengths and shortcomings, masculinity and femininity. A successful relationship will usually strike a balance between the spectrum. If this was the reason he broke up with you, was it because your partner started to feel less masculine? Perhaps your ability at decision making and taking charge in situations may have caused him to feel that way. Or was it due to the fact that he felt like there was no intertwine between the good and bad, and you only seemed to bring out the negative in him?
Change in Circumstances
Occasionally, the breakup might have been no one’s fault, and it was due to a change in circumstances that it occurred. One of the key circumstance changes for a breakup is typically one party having to move to a different city or country, for studies or work. This results in the relationship dynamics having to turn into a long distance one, which could have caused a loss of connection towards each other. If your ex requires physical contact with his partner to feel connection, it’s very likely that the inability to see you whenever he wanted caused the breakup, because he probably felt that there was no connection anymore.
Loss of Trust
It takes 10 different acts of sincerity to get someone to trust you, but only 1 act of dishonesty to lose it all. That’s how unfair trust can be. In every relationship, while building up your bond and connection with each other at the start, you also build trust between both parties. You share secrets, fears, past and plans for the future with your partner and so does he, resulting in vulnerability on both ends.
Like I said, all it takes is one act for everything to go down the drain. Were you dishonest during the relationship? Did you cheat or betray his trust in you? If this was the reason that caused the breakup, it’s still possible to re-gain his trust. However, it will be a lot harder than creating attraction again, because greater effort is required in order to rebuild trust that has been snatched away.
What’s on His Mind? Has He Moved on?
If you’ve figured out the reason of why he broke up with you, perhaps what’s on your mind now is whether you still stand a chance, and instead, whether HE has moved on already. If you and your ex shared a sincere and meaningful relationship, it’s unlikely that he would move on so easily. Chances are, he’s also hurting and confused, thinking about his next course of action, but he definitely would not express this to you. After all, he was the one who broke up with you in the first place.
If you betrayed his trust or there was a loss of balance, he may probably be feeling frustrated right now towards you and contacting him during this period would only serve to reinforce his negative emotions. He may even decide to date someone else, as a way of ‘getting back’ at you. Don’t freak out and do anything that would cause him to think of you as desperate or needy, as this reduces your chances of getting him back.
What Should You Do Now?
Regardless of whether he told you to move on, or if he didn’t, there’s a good chance that he really doesn’t know what he wants at this point. Even if he told you to move on, in most cases, he be expecting you to do something desperate or needy like beg him for a second chance, or send him 10 texts messages in a row, since that’s what most people would do. This will give him some clarity of direction, and reinforce his loss of attraction towards you, so don’t do it!
Right now, your focus shouldn’t be on him, but rather on the part of the relationship that went wrong and trying to fix it before even considering chasing him back. If you work on resolving this, even if you do manage to convince him to get back together with you, the result will eventually be the same, because the problem still exists.
It’s always best to stop contacting your ex for a while after a breakup, to give him and yourself the much-needed space to see things clearer and to be less emotionally affected over what happened. By performing no contact, you break all mindset he has about you as being needy or desperate, and it would give you the time to focus on yourself and change any negative aspects about how you were.
Remember we discussed balance as a reason for breaking up? Right now, things are definitely out of balance as you probably want him back more than he does. By constantly contacting him, you emphasize on that imbalance further as he gains the upper hand knowing that you would do anything to get him back (even if you are willing to). You don’t want him to take advantage of it and start walking all over you in the long run. Take some time off and stop contacting him. This re-creates the balance as you show him that you’re actually okay with moving on if necessary, and who knows, he might even be the one to initiate contact with you instead.